In the Matter of Black Holes

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In the Matter of Black Holes

Quite some time ago I had a girlfriend and we use to argue a lot. She was a graduate student in astrophysics and I was a science writer. Many of our arguments involved etiquette and protocol.
"I'm smarter than you, therefore I should be on top," she said.
"I'm stronger than you, so I should be on top, but let's take turns."
"That puts us in compromising positions."
I laughed and gave up my turn.

Another time she looked over an article that I was writing.
"Einstein and the dice thing. You should put more pizzazz into it. Like Einstein should've covered his ass and said, 'God probably doesn't play dice with the universe'."
I lost my turn.

Writing another piece. I get the look-over.
"Again with the Einstein. Do you really know what E = mc^2 means?"
"No Miss Genius I'm sure I don't."
"It means simply that Einstein equals mind times creativity squared."
Again, I lose my turn to be on top.

I'm writing a piece about Moe Berg, the baseball player and later a spy for the U.S. during World War II. As a spy Berg was flown into Zurich Switzerland to a lecture given by Werner Heisenberg to determine whether he and the Germans were close to building an atom bomb. If Heisenberg seem to know a lot about the process of building a bomb then Berg was suppose to shoot him. Heisenberg apparently didn't know much so he lived. So my article gets the usual look-over by Miss Genius.
"You know you have a principle operating here. It's the Berg-Heisenberg uncertainty principle you're writing. If Heisenberg knows too much he won't live long, if his knowledge is small he'll live much longer."
"Thanks. Yes I know, I lose my turn...for a whole week? Fine I'm on the bottom for a week."

"I'll be back late tomorrow afternoon. Remember I moved the canned foods, the soups and cat food to the lower cabinet. I hope you feel better. Thanks for letting me use your car. And if you get a chance, please read the thing I've got to send in tomorrow, you know for little English mistakes. It's on a flash drive next to my computer, thanks."
"Be careful, it's suppose to thunder storm tonight. Good luck at the discussion group." She was off to a very important seminar where she was collecting supplemental information for a possible thesis topic that she had postponed too many time and now had to hand in to her advisor by tomorrow. I would have gone with her but I had this terrible cold.

Later that night I get a call. She's been in a car accident and is in the hospital overnight for observation. No I shouldn't come, it's too far. She'll be back tomorrow or the next day. But could I email her thesis proposal to her advisor after it's checked. I nervously agree to everything. She tries to assure me that she's alright, but the car is another matter, and that in a parallel universe it could be the other way around. This is good, I can tell she's okay.
So I go feed Erwin, the cat, and make a bowl of chicken soup before I sit down at her computer. I do some minor corrections to her work between sips of soup when I start smelling cat food breath over my shoulder. Erwin was sitting on the top of the bookcase behind me, he didn't want to go out because it was raining.
Suddenly there was a crack of thunder and Erwin jumps on me, and I spill my soup onto her computer. Erwin bounces off of me and lands on the computer and flash drive before he's off to the bedroom.
Looking around I begin to panic, the computer appears to be fried and the flash drive is bent. And I've got to send off her proposal. I run to my computer and start typing what I can remember, something about black holes, dark matter, Hawking radiation, I don't know what. I decide to type up something that can always be changed latter.
So I write among other things, that dark matter is un-entangled matter. And because its quantum wave-function is not entangled with normal matter it can't be 'seen' or measured. When the Big Bang took place early on very little of the total matter became entangled to become the ordinary matter that we know today. And now with the creation of black holes dark matter gets sucked up and entangled with ordinary matter and then shot out, and it can then be seen as ordinary matter, and this all makes the universe expand faster. I finish then hesitate for a long while, but finally get the strength of will to send it off.

A couple of days or so later after many things are related and discussed, "What in hell did you send off in my name? My advisor no longer wants me to be his student." I explain again but with more detail trying to convey my past panicked state. She says, "There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and your stupidity, and I have my doubts about the universe."
Well, to make a long and painful story short and concise, she got a new wonderful advisor. Who she eventually married. And after that vastly ungentle life experience I've always wondered maybe it was that black holes suck up ordinary matter and violently disentangle its wave-function from the partner substance, and then send it on out there as cold lonely dark matter that ever faster thins out as it cautiously waits...

About the Author: 
I'm a writer living in Ottawa.