Bam I Am

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Another power wave hit CERN causing the surge protectors to cut electricity to the Large Hadron Collider. The disruption was particularly bothersome to Dr. Eve Goodson who had just submitted her calculations to the LHC datagrid and was waiting for confirmation that her collision model was correct. She was gazing at an infinitesimal point on the diagram with wonder. Her observations, if correct, were pointing to something extraordinary!

Taking advantage of the outage to try and calm her excitement, she let her mind wander amidst the subatomic world of bosons and quarks. She felt like one of the pan dimensional beings in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, who waited 7.5 million years for their Deep Thought computer to derive the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. Her pursuit was no less steadfast as she had forgone the traditional family path to dedicate her life to finding the answer to the very same question. If her latest observations were confirmed, it could mean the birth of a new field of physics. The delivery of her answer was closer than she might imagine.

The messenger, an ancient relic now, was fondly watching Dr. Goodson via a multi-dimensional view-master of sorts. Several jumps across time had been required to coordinate this reunion. The introduction was scheduled to take place in precisely 4 minutes, a spontaneous-eternity for the preeminent guest.

T-minus one minute, the computer rebooted right on schedule - the fun was about to begin.

With power returned the monitors clicked on and raw data began streaming in from the grid. Dr. Goodson was keenly watching snippets of numerical data when she noticed that her monitors were brighter than normal. In fact, they seemed to be emitting a halo that expanded from the wall to the center of her office. The glow appeared to be organizing itself into a narrow beam of light that began to trace lines in midair as if an invisible being was brandishing an etch-a-sketch. She couldn’t be sure, but it appeared that the intricate crisscross of lines were creating some kind of quantum light computer culminating in a single blinking cursor suspended in front of her inquisitive eyes. The cursor began typing a message.

“My apologies, but the power surges were necessary to properly thank you. Unfortunately, our second meeting today will be brief. My name is Bam I Am.”

Dr. Goodson tentatively addressed the cursor, “Have we met before?”

“I am that spark of light that caught your eye just below the Higgs-Boson on your collision diagram. You are, in effect, my mother.”

As a theoretical physicist she could acknowledge the truth of that possibility; without missing a beat she expanded the thought, “I suggest we discuss your heritage. Are you a boson, fermion, or perhaps a quark?”

“My origin is tricky, mainly because I was moving near the speed of light at birth – fortunately in the nick of Planck time I am Swiss, otherwise I might be sipping Bordeaux and eating Brie.” Bam continued, “after the Big Bam, I did encounter a French Higgs, who was quite cheeky, we circled the loop a few times together. Thankfully we Swiss have a sense of humor."

By the way, would you like to know the answer?”

“The answer?” Dr. Goodson replied distractedly, rubbing her temples. She was still processing Swiss citizenship and the cheeky French connection.

“To the Ultimate Question,” replied Bam, “I hope you printer has plenty of paper.”

The printer which had been sitting quietly in the corner suddenly burst into production.

“While you were distracted I took the liberty to expand Dr. Hawking’s book The Theory of Everything. I shed some light on dark matter, redefined Wave Theory, and provided a riveting account of the French ancestry of the Higgs.”

The title page, on the printer, read: The REAL Theory of Everything by Bam I Am. The dedication page was next- To my Mother, whose observation made my extraordinary life a reality. The printer continued to churn out pages. Feeling a deeper camaraderie with her prodigy, she implored, “Bam, tell me everything.”

“This 3D continuum is ancient history for me, you are speaking with a 4D reality wave that was sent to this precise location in space-time. I have long since evolved beyond the ability to communicate with words. However I am pleased to provide a brief history of my time. After the BAM my consciousness popped into existence spontaneously with the creation of my considerable mass. I recall being extremely slow and a linear thinker during those first moments. Surpassing light speed wasn’t even a gleam in my consciousness. In retrospect I was quite a fat baby. Wouldn’t you agree? In my defense traveling near the speed of light is a heavy experience. That point, on the diagram, when I seem to disappear is when things got really interesting...puberty! Moving from 3D to 4D is like giving a teenager the keys to your Bugatti.”

“Bam, can you travel faster than Dr. Einstein’s famous light beam?” She was proudly thinking this fact would change the very foundation of quantum physics.

Showing off, Bam exclaimed, “I just traveled to Alpha Centauri and back on a thought beam. That is a very slow 8.75 year trip for a light-beam. Dr. Einstein was not exactly wrong, he just didn’t account for all forms of energy. His “E” refers to physical energy, he completely missed the potential of Conscious Energy. One energy is finite - the other infinite.”

Dr. Goodson was trying to imagine the ramifications of finding a quantifiable formula for conscious energy when she intuitively sensed that her reunion was nearing its end. She suddenly remembered something important, maybe she still had time.

“Bam, what is the answer to the ultimate question?”

The response came in slowly, one letter at a time as if Bam was having difficulty coming up with the appropriate words.

Think about it!
The conscious conundrum…
Thoughtfully yours,
A m ;)

About the Author: 
Janet Shill lives in NC. She is a self proclaimed lover of physics, astronomy and the sciences in general. Her hobbies include, reading all genres of great literature with a special nod to science fiction, writing and running. She particularly enjoys finding humor in an otherwise serious subject matter.