What is it like to be a down quark?

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Before creation

The strings vibrate. In the deep darkness of nothingness there is a raucous symphony of sorts, and all manner of quarks – and other elementary particles – are formed. The down-quark – one of many down-quarks – our down-quark, comes to be. It is a her.

In a state of superposition

In a haze. A quantum haze. She doesn’t know where she is; she doesn’t know what she is. She feels torn, as though she were stretched at her edges to sprawl across everything and everyone else. But she also feels whole, because she is everything and everyone else, just as everything else not measured sprawls across her. They’re fused, even before they’ve gained all their properties. There’s a very primitive feeling of love. A special love felt between partners who have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

Measurement

Something bright appears on her horizon. It rapidly approaches her. And all of a sudden she feels like she’s moving, moving somewhere. She also feels all alone. All her ephemeral connections have been cut. She feels brightness all around her and in this brightness she experiences the purest most primitive form of loneliness.

In a Higgs Field

She feels something pushing against her. She feels heavier, as though weights have simultaneously latched onto parts of her tiny little body. She spins around, and vaguely feels the presence of others. She feels jolts of energy running through her too. She doesn’t like the feeling for some reason or the other, and she vaguely tries to resist them. She yearns to go back to the haze and be sprawled across everything again.

Forming a proton

She meets others, two others to be precise. They’re lighter but seem to pull her strongly towards them. They feel messier, more energetic; she prefers to keep things simple. Reluctantly she travels with them for a long time.

Annihilation

She gets away from her energetic partners. She returns to the haze, and she feels whole and transcendent and at ease again for a long time. After some time she experiences a bright light again. Its’s measurement all over again, but of course she has no memory, no recollection of her past. She doesn’t know what’s up and goes through the experience again. Only this time it’s different (or so we know). This time she meets a dark, dark object. It hurtles towards her (or maybe she’s hurtling towards it) and there’s a high-pitched screech, so high-pitched she can feel it in her. It is as though all the violins in an orchestra have conspired to make the most disturbing note ever, a note which penetrates her core. She miraculously feels as though she’s returning to the haze again, that blissful state of existence; and just a tiny fraction of a second before she’s gone she miraculously knows that that is not true.

***

She’s gone. Up in the heavens the strings continue to vibrate.

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Nil. I'm hoping the line breaks appear right though...