Message on a Dating Site: Quantum Physicist Wanted for Mutually Beneficial Relationship

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What type of man intrigues me?

Well, I only date quantum physicists now. Why? Glad you asked. My mother always said I was too picky, but that’s another story.

Let’s see. There was a long line of other scientific types: mathematicians, astronomers, and assorted polymaths. A few chemists.

Okay, perhaps physicist is a rather broad term; after all, it only came into your vocabulary in the 1800s,coined by a rather interesting personage named William Whewell whom I met at a Cambridge Philosophical Society meeting while living abroad in England.

Yes, I am that old. . .Well, actually, a bit older, but time is a strange construct. Where I come from, we know that the past, present, and future all exist right now. Nevertheless, I promise you that the attached profile picture really is me and has not been augmented in the slightest. I do understand that yours is an appearance-based world and do my best to stay in-shape.

Do I like to travel?

I used to. . .

Seriously, though, that’s exactly what I need right now - to get away. I’ve just been here for much too long, and while I don’t want to go home, I would like to find another planet more conducive to my lifestyle.

Religion?

None that you would recognize. I do, however, toy with the belief that there are no accidents - or so my mother always told me. I must have intended to land on earth, after all, or some other universal force decided that I needed to be here to learn some important lesson.

It really was an accident, though, as I was out and about with my brother, and wasn’t focusing, so the coordinates I entered into the Mind Grid was spotty at best.

Imagine my surprise when we landed on your planet! Since it was near a lovely port city on your Mediterranean Sea, called Alexandria, I decided to take a walk. Okay. I just wanted to stretch my legs and avoid my brother’s tirade, as now he’d be late for an appointment he had.

Come nightfall, when I returned to our cruiser, it - and my brother - were gone. He did post a communique to the Mind Grid, which loses much in translation, but suffice it to say that he claimed the entire family pod would be better off without me. “Adapt,” he said.

So I did.

Since it was circa 415, and Alexandria, Egypt, I masqueraded as a man whenever it suited my purposes. They always seemed to fare much better historically, than women on your planet. Consider what happened to Hypatia. . .

Do I have children? Would I be open to someone who already has children?

No, I never had any. That would have been problematic. My mother would KNOW and she would loathe having to visit your planet and would most likely assert her right to raise them as her own. Trust me, that wouldn’t be a good idea.

Besides, that DNA thing. You already have enough issues with your own. Who knows what effect mine would have had - or would have - on your population.

And yes, of course you and I both know that your planet was already seeded with alien DNA - but not from my world.

Some of these profile questions really aren’t relevant.

When you respond to me, please let me know what kind of project you’re working on and how it could get me off this rock. Please be specific, too. And oh, I’m not easily impressed, which reminds me of the time when I dated this guy back in the late 1970s. He eventually went on to work for the Space Shuttle program. On our first date (and to get me alone so he could make a move), he asked if I wanted to see a real laser. Of course I was curious about how far you people had come with laser tech. He was quite proud of his laser, too.

Am I health conscious? What type of exercise do I enjoy?

I’m not sure what you want to know, but yes, I am quite aware that being in optimum health is essential for longevity. I’m living proof of that. I assure you that I am ambulatory and enjoy walking.

Fortunately, my dear brother did add a footnote to the Mind Grid with coordinates to a subterranean cave that housed stasis pods and other tech that I’ve found useful over the centuries. Apparently, our people HAVE been here before. Every fifty years or so, I take a nice long nap - complete with downloads - so I’m up-to-date with what’s going on with your planet in multiple spheres. History, philosophy, physics, etc. Occasionally, there will be a message from home.

And yes, I did wonder if my brother pre-set the wrong coordinates when I was venting about our mother. It wouldn’t surprise me. Just imagine living for over two-thousand years on a world where I existed but did not exist.

What do I mean by that? If you don’t know, then we aren’t a good match, so thank you for reading, and please refer me to a friend or colleague at your earliest convenience.

About the Author: 
Terrie Leigh Relf is a lifetime member of the Science Fiction Poetry Association and an active member of the Horror Writers Association. You can learn more about her at tlrelf.wordpress.com and terrieleighrelf.com.